In the large plan that is life, who decides that we do not talk about those who have passed away? Whose decides when it is no longer 'allowed' to mention those who have died?
I was at an event on Thursday talking about my practice/business. I was brainstorming with a group of woman about a possible name. I was telling them what I want to do, be, and what my plans are for the future. It all comes from Patrick so I was talking about the necessary support services which are lacking in this society and the cultural silence around baby death which is too prevalent.
A lovely colleague started talking to me about people who may not want to talk about death. She mentioned her sister-in-law who is now a widow and how the family do not talk about her late husband for fear that they will upset her/set her off/make her cry. Now, I understand where she is coming from, but I disagree wholeheartedly. I am pretty sure, without even meeting this women, that she would have mentioned her husband at least once every single day of her life. So, why in death would she not talk about him? Obviously, the conversation would be different, but that does not mean that the conversation should cease.
I have never met a parent who has not wanted to talk about their baby. This is fact. And, if someone did not want to talk about their baby, then that is fine. I would rather have a support service in place and have people decide that they do not need it instead of people needing someone to talk too and having nowhere to turn.
When a person dies, there is an invisible time limit on grief and feeling down. We are supposed to be better, be happy again, to move on, and get over it. But, this simply does not happen.
I cannot wait until I live in a society where I can freely talk about all my children without sideways glances, grimaces, and looks of worry.
I live in hope.