This post, in fact this whole blog, has been on my mind for a long time.
I last posted almost two-years-ago and a lot has happened since then. I feel like the past four-and-a-half years have been an up-and-down roller coaster. There have been a lot of emotions, a lot of words, and a lot of conversations. But, I have always held the truth back. I do not really know why, but I know that this dishonesty has led me to block conversations, truths, and emotions. To other people going through a loss, and to me trying to battle my way through the 'after', I need to be completely honest. It is the only way to carry on fully. So here it is. On April 21, 2015, my son, Patrick, was stillborn because of the negligent actions of medical staff. It is a horrible situation to be in. For the past four years I have been battling with the emotions of burying a child, but also with the emotions (mainly anger, disbelief, and mistrust) of knowing that it never should have happened. I went to hospital that Saturday morning with reduced fetal movements. I was haemorrhaging. When a CTG was performed, it showed that Patrick's heart rate was very flat with no accelerations or decelerations. A Doctor fasted me for a c-section. A Consultant overruled it (for no reason. The Consultant had not even been in to see me which means that the c-section was overruled outside of the hospital room without checking me or Patrick first). The Consultant attempted an ECV (because Patrick had turned himself breach), took a kleihauer test, and then sent me home. The next day the results of the kleihauer test showed that there was 20ml of Patrick's blood in my system (which the Consultant admitted to reading wrong). The Midwife asked me to come in the next morning for Anti-D. I pestered the midwife for a few hours, they did a review of my notes, asked me to come in that night, and upon arrival, Patrick was dead. Argh, so heartbreaking! So close! There were so many errors and inappropriate comments made that it amazed me that we were sitting in the year 2015. Surely, in an advanced country with an advanced medical system, this sort of thing just did not happen anymore. But, it did. So this is the truth behind Patrick's death. Negligence killed my son. And there is no justice for that. None at all.
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