We visit Patrick every Sunday. At the start, after he died, I visited him more often. Now, however, it's once a week.
I know that the grave is where Patrick is laid, but I do not believe that I need to visit the grave to be close to him. Patrick is with me all the time. I think of him constantly.
I do not like to visit Patrick's grave. I always feel so sad and helpless. I feel completely lost. I do not find comfort in visiting his grave. I know some people do, but I do not. I wish I found comfort. I wish I felt closer to him. Patrick's grave is simply his lying place.
I am writing this to show that there is no 'right' way. I used to think that I was supposed to feel something other than sadness when I visited his grave; that I should find comfort in visiting him. I have accepted that this is not the case. I used to think that I was a bad mother if I did not visit his grave more often. This is not the case either. I visit his grave once a week, but I do my own daily 'rituals' to remember him. I feel closer to him in daily life than simply standing at his grave.
You need to find what is right in your own way. If visiting the grave is too difficult then maybe you can erect a bench on your favourite walk, or plant a tree somewhere special. That way you can still take the time to reflect on your baby and what has happened.
Do what is right for you.