It has been 64 weeks since Patrick was born sleeping.
My son brought me a toy which should have been given to Patrick. I had items for Patrick - clothes, toys, some things I had knitted. The bag that I had packed for the hospital had been put away in the weeks after his death, and I only came across it recently. In that bag was this toy.
My son favours this toy. I keep putting it away and he keeps finding it. The other day he brought it out to me. He showed it to me and told me that it is Patrick's toy.
We talk about Patrick often. I try to talk about him whenever the opportunity comes up. It is important for me to know that me other two children are aware of Patrick. He is their brother and I want them to know this.
My son does know that Patrick is his brother, but at the moment he is too young to understand what this means. It breaks my heart to hear him mention his name and to know that that is as close as he will get to him.
It is so hard to look at my son and know that Patrick should be standing next to him.