Nothing can prepare you for it. Nothing.
For me, those words, 'there is no heartbeat', signalled the beginning of a journey I never could have imagined being on.
The feelings of utter devastation, of being completely lost, of a sense of sadness I had never felt before were only some of the initial states I passed through. Those first few days and weeks are a blur. I was on autopilot trying to understand what was going on. I felt such emptiness, not only during my days, but also within myself.
For me it did not get better, there was no 'moving on'. I did not know how to handle my new situation. I did not know what to do.
These pages are what I now know and what I wish I had of known right at the start.