On Sunday we went out with the children. This is definitely becoming a ritual/habit for our weekend. I look forward to it and always wonder where we are heading to this weekend.
It was sunny on Sunday and we decided to head out for a picnic and a play at the park, and also to visit Patrick. I said to the husband that I wanted to have a picnic with Patrick since it was sunny and it would give the children the chance to play with their brother. The only time I have all my children together is when we sit at his grave - it is cruel.
So, we went for a picnic and it was lovely.
But, after we had eaten a man approached us. He knew the husband somehow and came over to chat. After pleasantries, he went to the grave next to Patrick and started talking about the man buried there. He then came over and stood in front of Patrick. Him and the husband talked about the weather, about the state of the country compared to what it used to be like, and some local goings on and events. They even talked about the state of the ground and how rocky it was. I forget how this conversation started. The husband said that the ground was so rocky that where Patrick was planned to be buried had to be abandoned because there were too many rocks to continue digging. True story.
Do you know how awful it is to leave the hospital after giving birth and go out and start digging a hole for your baby? That is for another day...
The whole time him and husband were talking, I could see him looking at Patrick's grave. He was eyeing it up. Maybe he was reading the plaque. Maybe he was working out who Patrick was and who we were. I do not know. And do you know what he asked and what I told him? Nothing. He never mentioned a word about Patrick.
How can you come and stand at a grave and not talk about the person? How rude that you come and stand at my son's grave and do not even ask about him. How disrespectful that you come and talk to my family and do not even have the decency to talk about my son. No condolences. No questions. No mention. No heart. Or have we passed the time limit on talking about Patrick?
Why do people not talk about baby loss? Or is it death in general which we do not mention?
What hope do I have in the 'outside' world when someone standing at his grave will not even talk about Patrick? It breaks my heart.