I have not written about my life after Patrick for some time not. To be honest, it was all so negative. I thought, 'who wants to read something that is never positive?'
However, there is nothing positive about Patrick's death and I must write whatever it is which is important; whatever is happening. It is cathartic for me. Those weeks of not writing have been difficult.
My daughter is now sleeping in her own room, in her own cot. This has affected me and I did not know that it would. I do not know whether I am grieving for Patrick ('this should be Patrick in the cot') or whether I am sensing that she is our last (we can not have anymore) or whether I am scared for what I could loose (maybe she is now too far away from me).
This is all so confusing. There are so many emotions that come into it. I miss Patrick more each day.