I have reached a point where Patrick's death needs to be a motivating factor in my life. I do not see any other way forward. I have mentioned that I finally feel ready to pursue what I want - both emotionally, but also logistically as Florence is now at an age where we do not have to be attached at the hip and she is finally allowing me out of her sight.
2017 is the start, the beginning. The more I work with this in mind, the more doors are opening. You have to believe you will get what you want in order to get it. At least, this is what people say and what is written in books. My experience is showing that this is in fact true. I had no idea of the possibilities out there.
Since putting this thinking into place and getting my 'wants' concrete, I have been given the opportunity to work for SANDS, the Stillbirth and Neonatal Deaths Charity. All these opportunities have just landed. It is amazing. I am going to Manchester in February to undertake Befriender Training; I am going to be a committee member for the charity; and have been given the reins to organise events in Fermanagh - a walk and balloon release and a Christmas carol service. But, the most radical event is the support meeting I was asked to run last week. Asked to run. What a trip.
It is amazing. When I am older and look back on my life, I want to see a life dedicated to Patrick. I want Shay and Florence to tell me that they are jealous of all the time I spend 'with' Patrick. I do not know if they will actually think this, probably not, but you understand how much I want Patrick to be a part of my days. I have three children and I am ready to spend my time on all three. There are other 'things' in the pipeline as well and this year I want to lay the foundations for them. More on those later...
The more coincidences that happen, the more certain I am that this is the way forward. 2017 is going to be a trip!