In our home, we have photos of Patrick up. I just counted them and we have seven. They are a mixture of just him, of Patrick and me, of Patrick and Daddy, and of all three of us. They all have one thing in common though, Patrick is always turned to the side.
His skin was peeling by the time he was born (do not be grossed out, it is a natural part of decomposition - I am only being completely honest - this is my reality) and he was missing an eyelid and he had a mark on his cheek. In photos he is always to the side; he always shows his good side. I have been trying, for a long time, to find someone to touch up his photo so we can have a full-faced one up.
I have finally found that person and have that photo. It is like Christmas. I wonderful friend took Patrick's photo last week and touched it up. I received it back on Thursday morning and I just sat here at the table and cried for a good hour. I honestly did not know that was going to happen. Maybe I did not realise what the photo would look like? Or, maybe I did not realise how much I wanted to see him? It is like seeing him again for the first time in two years. It is marvellous. I never realised how much I missed seeing him until I saw that photo.
I also never realised how much he looked like Shay. The husband always said he was the spitting image of Shay, but with dark hair instead of blond. I must admit, I never really saw it that much, or could not imagine it from the photos we had. I saw a slight resemblance, but nothing concrete. From this photo though, it is amazing how similar they look.
I have started again... It breaks my heart how much they looked alike. I have the photo on my phone so I carry it with me. I can look at it now without crying, but not for long. It is like the start of the grief all over again, I have found a trigger. But, I am sure it will get easier, like most things. I am sure that I will 'accept' the photo after a length of time.
Next step: a canvas of Patrick to go next to Shay's one on the wall. I cannot wait.